somniumquiesco ([info]somniumquiesco) wrote,
@ 2006-10-11 20:37:00
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Entry tags:kkm

Whispers from the Rye: Prologue
Whispers from the Rye: Prologue
Overall Raiting:NC-17
This part: PG
Warnings This Chapter: ****END OF SERIES SPOILERS****
Focus Pairing: Wolfram/Yuuri
Side Pairings This Chapter: Anissina/Gwendal
ARTISTS [info]pearljamz and [info]andreanna
ARTISTS THIS CHAPTER [info]pearljamz <-- Seriously, if only for the amazing art, look inside.

Author: [info]toshimalfoy or [info]somniumquiesco the latter I made for fanfiction postings.

Super AMAZING BETA (I love her soooo much): [info]melusine07

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Wolfram,

You're only hurting yourself. He's gone. Can’t things go back to the way they were? I've missed you.

~Marques
---------------------------------
Corporal,

I'm sorry you have found your current assignment so disappointing. If it is too difficult for you to work so close to this castle I will make arrangements for you to head more distant operations. I hope I have made myself clear on this matter and it will never come up again.

~Wolfram von Bielefeld, fiancé of Shibuya Yuuri, Maou.


********
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Yuuri was back.

Word of his return reached Blood Pledge Castle before the young Maou had changed out of his wet clothing. The response was immediate, like the first rain after a drought. There was hope again. No longer would the peace so clumsily attained by the child-like king be in question. No longer would the pain felt by those who loved him most seep into the cold stone of the castle, making every turn along its corridors a memory that could never be relived. No longer could she be part of a family that had eluded her for over a century.

For Anissina, Yuuri’s return was bittersweet. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Yuuri, as all those who met him were wont to do, she just happened to love other people more. As was the failing of most beautiful women, the redhead was selfish, and if Yuuri’s absence meant that she could be closer to Gwendal and the broken family of a fiancé and daughter the king had left behind, then so be it.

It was probably better this way. Since Yuuri left she had been able to spend more time with Gwendal, which was always a painful and disappointing waste of energy. He was always ‘too busy’ to help her with her experiments, which of course meant she had to make him help, which led to him complaining and making even the most amazing examples of her genius seem inadequate. That was one of the reasons she had felt the need to shelter her ex-lover’s youngest brother. Whether the selfish loafer knew it or not they shared the same hurt. They both loved someone who would never love them back.

Decades ago she had had her entire future planned out. She would marry Gwendal and help keep his family in some state of working order despite his floozy of a mother. Gwendal would stop working wrinkles deeper into his forehead every day and take time off to be with her. They would have a child soon enough that Wolfram would have someone close to his age to play with. Conrad wouldn’t have to play the dejected father figure and Gwendal wouldn’t have to be a father to his mother’s child. They would all have been so happy.

She would have been able to do all that and have plenty of time to work on the other loves of her life, her inventions. Unfortunately, Gwendal had not been so optimistic about his path. The path of a soldier, of a general; the path he took to a place away from her. Men. Their minds were so small that they could only focus on one thing. And in Gwendal’s case it was war. Preventing it, creating it, training for it; all his life revolved around the strategy, pain, and exhilaration of it. Foolish.

Since then she had done some growing up and realized that such dreams were childish and impossible. The only way to find happiness is to make it yourself. Depending on others, especially men, is a waste of time.

As time went on she focused more and more on her inventions, spending most of her days creating ways for the world to be a better place; a place where wars could be fought by machines and neither mazoku nor humans had to die for the sake of stupid male quarrels.

The most infuriating aspect of her plans for greatness was the lack of enthusiasm of those around her. The men around her. They ran, literally ran, from their inability to cope with the magnitude of her genius inventions. After all, her inventions had saved everyone on numerous occasions and she hardly got so much as a thank you. If it hadn’t been for her banana boat everyone would probably be dead. Killed by the berserker Soushi in Shinou’s body… in Yuuri’s body. It was all stupid. Just more ‘man’ quarrels. None of the people causing all these problems had been women and that was no coincidence.

Yuuri had made things more interesting for her bountiful creative mind when he was in Shin Makoku. The boy was always running off trying to get himself killed or dragging half of the highest court off on one goose chase or another. It had been great inspiration. Now things were a bit harder. Anissina had been working on a present for Wolfram since breakfast and she had only managed to fog up her laboratory with the smoke from her latest work in progress: ‘Let it all out so you can move on to something better-kun’. It was her attempt to keep the selfish loafer from tearing up all over the castle. This way he could spray himself in the face each morning and his tear ducts would exhaust themselves and he wouldn’t have to make everyone else around him even more uncomfortable with his constant moping. As soon as she got the smoke to the right potency she would make the expulsion device, perhaps something resembling an onion. Wolfram would be so grateful.

And as soon as Wolfram cheered up she wouldn’t have to feel so bad about making fun of him. As a child he had been such fun to tease, but now it was just pathetic, like some sort of dying puppy. He spent days just moping about or painting, which was just an excuse to think about his missing fiancé without feeling like he was spending all day thinking about him. No one mentioned this to his face, but the rumors about just how broken the young mazoku had become fluttered about the castle. It made him look weak, like a child who lost his favorite toy and was going to be an ass about it until someone brought it back. Acting like an ass had always got him what he wanted when he was a child, however, so it was hardly a surprise that he still exhibited such faults into young adulthood. Anissina blamed his mother for that. He’s crying? Just give him a new toy. Wonderful parenting.

Cecilie’s attempts at parenting aside, the selfish loafer did seem to be making an effort to raise Greta. Though in truth at least half the castle was engaged in raising the energetic girl, Wolfram paid her particular attention. He had started giving her riding lessons soon after Yuuri’s disappearance, insisting she “wasn’t going to inherit any of her other father’s wimpy qualities”. And the two of them spent many afternoons riding around the grounds or making jewelry out of flowers. More recently he had caved to his daughter’s constant pleas and started training her with a sword, something Anissina’s novels had had absolutely nothing to do with no matter what the boy Wolf said.

At first the two had managed to comfort each other equally, but soon it was clear to Anissina that Wolfram was spending the majority of his time looking for his daughter while Greta was finding her way into the kitchens or up into her lab with increasing frequency. The redhead smiled fondly at the memory of an instance that had taken place two months earlier.

It was still early in the afternoon when Greta wandered in, clutching the doorframe with apprehension and looking up at her with large brown eyes. No words were necessary; Anissina simply smiled at the girl and put down a beaker she was holding and Greta was by her side dressed in a large grin.

“What should we read today, Anissina?” the child gushed before springing up onto the workbench the scientist had been seated on. Her legs were too short to sit properly so she swung them in childish exuberance while Anissina answered.

“Hummm… well, we’ve already read all my stories, why don’t you help me make up a new one?”

Greta nodded enthusiastically, “Yes! How will Anissina-san save the day this time?”

Anissina smiled slightly before bringing a finger to her lips in contemplation. “Since it’s been a while why don’t we spice things up by adding another character?” She made a show of eyeing the girl to her right. “How about a young brunette, whose skills with a sword are unmatched by any man?”

The little girl squealed in delight, kicking her legs even faster. “Sounds great! And they can go on adventures far far away and fight sorcerers and evil men and they’ll have so much fun that they’ll never have to go home.”

“Never go home? What about all their fans who’ll want to glorify them with yummy cakes and lengthy ballads?”

“No, they’ll never come home because—“

The door squeaked and two pairs of eyes focused on the figure in the hallway. Greta grabbed onto Anissina’s skirt with her nearest hand and shrunk down into her chair. The smile stayed on her face, but it lacked its normal exuberance.

Wolfram’s step faltered. “Oh…”

Anissina could feel the little fingers pulling the fabric of her skirt tighter. Greta spoke quickly, “Anissina-san is letting me help her write a story and it’s going to be so exciting, but you can’t hear it until it’s finished, okay Wolfram?”

Wolfram’s smile was as fake as his daughters, “That does sound exciting, I can hardly wait! Be sure to run and tell me as soon as it’s finished.” His eyes shifted to the floor before he turned and left.

Both girls were silent until the echo of his footsteps could no longer be heard. Only then did Greta release her grip on Anissina.

“Greta—“, she started in a worried tone.

“—And they’ll never come back because they’ll be having so much fun that nothing else will matter. They’ll keep saving the kingdom, but they’ll never go home. Because no matter how safe the kingdom is… the people in the castle are always sad… and they won’t want to come back, because then they’d have to be sad too…” The girl’s head was bent, hair covering most of her face.

For a moment Anissina was furious with both of the girl’s fathers, Yuuri for leaving, and Wolfram being unable to cope with it. Why did young women always have to cry over the mistakes of men? They were just so selfish. Men.

She reached out, placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder, “Greta don’t—“

“It’s not fair!” There were tears in her eyes, welling up in the corners and refusing to fall. “Why don’t I get to be sad! Everyone’s telling me not to be upset, especially Wolfram, but it’s not fair that he gets to be sad all the time.”

“Now Greta, don’t interrupt.” Her voice was stern, yet comforting. “Wolfram acts like he’s younger than you, so don’t pay attention to him. He’s acting like a child, and I know you and your father lost the most when Yuuri left, but he didn’t leave because he wanted to make you unhappy, he left because it was what he thought he had to do. Men make stupid decisions all the time, but even if the decisions are stupid and they hurt your feelings, you can’t let them upset you for very long. I’m sure Yuuri thinks about you every day, and how do you think he would feel if he knew how miserable you and Wolfram are making each other? Most of it is his fault, for making you feel crowded, but you shouldn’t avoid him, it just makes him more leaky.”

“But Anissina, I can’t do anything. He’s just always so sad, and that makes me feel worse because…” Tears spilled from her glossy eyes and splashed onto her little dress. She spoke near a whisper, “…because I’m afraid I don’t love Yuuri enough, because… I miss him, I really really do, but I just want to think about other things sometimes. What if I’m a bad daughter? What if I don’t love him enough?!” Her body shook slightly as her small frame tried to absorb the sounds of her sobs.

Anissina pulled the little girl up into her lap, waiting for the tears to stop before she spoke. “You love your father plenty, you don’t have to worry about something silly like that. You’re doing the right thing, Yuuri wouldn’t want you to spend all your time being sad. Wolfram being upset all the time doesn’t mean he loves Yuuri any more than you do. It means he’s selfish. He’s upsetting you and everyone else around him because he won’t move on with his life.”

“You make him sound so bad. He doesn’t mean to upset anyone.”

“He might not mean it, but he really is being stupid about realizing how his actions affect those around him. But I guess that’s not completely his fault. He didn’t choose to be a man, and men are naturally inclined to be stupid…”

“But what can I do to make it better.”

“Stop avoiding him.” Greta moved to speak but Anissina shushed her. “I know he’s not much fun to play with lately, but you’re his favorite person so he needs you to make him happy right now.” She sighed and spoke partially to herself, “It really is a pity when children have to take care of their parents, but it happens all the time.”

Greta hugged her silently and slid off her lap onto the floor, “Thank you, Anissina.” Her voice was warm and hinted determination, “I’ll come see you again tomorrow, alright?”

“Of course,” Anissina smiled and watched the girl hurry out of the room.

After Greta left, Anissina went back to her work. It was a lovely day for inventing and the sun shone brightly into her lab, striping elongated rectangles of light from the windows across the floor. Time went by and the light receded, leaving the various bulbs scattered about the machines as the only source of light. They were bright enough to work by, but shadows danced in the corners of the room. The whizzes and hums of her inventions always helped her create, but she was so absorbed with worrying about Greta that she hardly got anything done. Her stomach growled and she had just decided to go down to the kitchens when there was a knock on her door.

Without waiting for an answer, Wolfram poked his head in, surveying the room. Anissina put her hands on her hips and waited for him to see her.

“You keep it so dark in here at night,” he said, words bubbling to the surface through obvious fatigue. Wolfram walked into the room and leaned against the wall across from her, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Again, his eyes had fallen to the floor.

Anissina sighed. Greta must have told Wolfram about their earlier conversation, and now she would have to explain things to the selfish loafer all night. Not only that but she would have to forego the thought of dinner anytime soon. Her stomach rumbled in displeasure at the thought. Really! The nerve of him, coming in here to complain. The boy Wolf must really have nothing better to do at all. And to think he was going to admonish her for raising his daughter right. Men.

Her eyebrow twitched in discontent.

Wolfram finally broke the silence, looking hopefully up at her from across the room. “Does she talk to you? You know… about…”

Anissina opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted.

“No. I know you can’t tell me any of it. That’s fine… It’s just… Good to know she’s talking to someone is all.” He looked away again, fingers visibly digging into his arms where he held them.

Her anger melted. Was it possible that Wolfram was merely acting like a concerned parent? She would have to give him more credit in the future. Still, her suspicion remained.

She spoke sharply, “Stop that!”

Green eyes flashed up at her in confusion.

“Stop looking like you’re about to cry all the time. You’re a man, you have enough failings already to add constant weeping, act like one.” Shaking her finger at him she added, “Greta’s worried about you and it’s hardly her place to do so. Yuuri’s gone and you need to start acting like an adult about it.”

Wolfram looked at her as if she had just said the most offensive thing he had ever heard. “You too, Anissina?” he seethed, “Everyone thinks I’ve just been moping around hoping that Yuuri is just going to pop out of the bath one day. Well fine. You just think that—“

“Ha!” she laughed. “Do you deny it?”

“Why should I bother? After all, I’m just a selfish loafer.” Although he hadn’t raised his voice the air around him crackled and the temperature in the room rose dramatically.

Anissina blushed slightly at the use of his own nickname, but she continued her verbal assault. How else could she test her hypothesis? “What? You disagree? You’ve been spending all day moping since he left and it’s pathetic. If being engaged for so long without marriage didn’t ruin your reputation how is acting like a broken shell of a man going to help it? If I were you—“

“WELL YOU ARE NOT ME!” He had finally lost all semblance of resolve and was gesturing madly, tearing his vocal cords with volume. “Everyone has such PERCEPTIVE insights into my own psyche I hardly know who I should listen to. Well everyone is WRONG and—“

“No one understands me, wah wah”, she mocked.

Wolfram moved towards her and Anissina was worried for a moment she had gone too far. He stood right in front of her, green eyes piercing her own, his words were tight, each one forced into low tones by the clench in his jaw. “What do you suppose I do, Anissina? For myself? Greta? Should I find some woman to marry to give her a mother? Should I leave her with someone more capable and drown myself in what small militaristic tasks that can be found during this oh-so-convenient time of peace?” He smiled bitterly and the scarcity of light left his face in eerie shadow. When the smile left, his passion had too, as if the content of his words had taken what little spirit he had left. If ever Wolfram von Beliefeld looked like a child it was now, green eyes jaded beyond hope. “Not all of this is mindless self pity. It’s the pain of trying to move forward with a broken heart.” The voice that had fallen to a whisper struck up briefly in a final attempt to distract from the weakness shown by the honesty of its words. He was bitter, lashing out at what had made him dwell on sadness. “You should have some empathy in this situation, right Anissina?”

She frowned and deliberately ignored his allusion to her own romantic history. She was happy he had offended her though; it kept the proud smile from twitching up the corners of her mouth. “You should be better at presenting a face for others. You wear your emotions on your sleeve and it hurts you.”

He glared at her. She glared right back.

Wolfram looked away first, crossing his arms, “Fine. But whatever everyone may think I am making an effort.”

“Try harder then.” she smirked at him.

As soon as the incredulous expression left his face he smiled back at her, “My my Anissina, I never thought you were so bitter.”

“My my, I never thought you were so reasonable.”

After one last look of appraisal he turned, corners of his mouth still tilted upwards, and walked toward the door. Before he left he looked back at her where she stood in front of her experiments, beaming triumphantly and spoke, “I’m glad she talks to you.” Then he left, appearing, in Anissina’s opinion, much more alive than he had when he’d entered.

She remembered looking at the singe he had left on the wall. It still hadn’t been covered, but that was alright because she sort of liked it there--

The red-head’s thoughts were interrupted when the door swung open, hitting the wall with a loud crack.

“Did you hear?! Did you hear?!” Greta ran to her, capturing Anissina’s legs in a surprisingly strong hug for a girl her size. “It’s Yuuri. Yuuri is back! He’s back. I knew he would come back, he always comes back! Ohh Anissina did you hear?!”

Anissina looked down at the smiling face framed with curly brown hair. “Yes I heard. Your father has come back and you have every right to be excited, but remember what I taught you about men who leave?”

“They aren’t worth worry or tears.” was the child’s diligent reply. “But Yuuri didn’t leave, Annisina, he came back. He came back.” Her smile was so large that the older woman was worried the little one’s face would cramp up.

“Yes, Greta. He came back.” She smiled down at the child. It was a peaceful smile, but a sad one. Now that her father was home she probably wouldn’t get to spend as much time with the girl. It was such a pity; she was smart and had great potential. “Why don’t you go down to meet him by the gate, I’m sure he can’t wait to see you. It’s been nearly a year since he left, he’ll be surprised at how much you’ve grown.”

“Why don’t you come with me?”

“I’ll come in a minute. I just want to finish something quickly and clean up, because what happens when we leave a messy lab?”

“Someone will touch something they shouldn’t and the castle will blow up.”

“Exactly right. And how do you think Yuuri would feel coming home to a blown up castle?”

“All right.” The girl conceded and hurried back the way she came. “Clean up as soon as you can!” she beamed, before closing the door and running down the hallway. Her little steps were audible for a moment before Annisina was left to clean up in the comforting humms and whizzes of her lab.
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On to Wishful Haze pt 1


LOOK AT PRETTY ART FOR THIS CHAPTER --- From the awesome and lovely [info]pearljamz <3



(Post a new comment)


[info]lenainverse
2006-10-11 10:25 pm UTC (link)
This was very, very good! I love finding well-written fics where the plot has obviously been planned out ahead of time, they make me smile uncontrollably. ^_^ The prose were very nice and it flowed well from one part to the next without being choppy at all.

As far as concrit (since you asked), let's see...there isn't too much I can say, because I very much like the way you've written this first part. The nice mix of internal thoughts and dialogue was well done, indeed. The portrayal of Anissina was really interesting. I admit, I never saw her as very bitter, but you did explain her situation very well as far as Gwendal and her past. It's an intriguing twist to her character, I must say. ^_^ And I did like the parallels between Wolfram's situation and her own, and how she felt this need to "snap him out of it" - that was probably as much for her own benefit than for his.

Wolfram was also very well done. Your interpretation of him is a bit different than mine, but I think your view of him is very in-depth and insightful. I really am excited to see where it's going now that Yuuri is back. ^_^

The only other thing I could say for concrit is that using words like "empathy" and "psyche" threw me a bit coming from Wolfram, but that might have something to so with the fact that they're very jargon-y and I use them in my job, but I rarely hear them used in non-work speech. I'm hypersensitive to this language, but I just wanted to put it out there.

As for the "common plot device," yeah, it's used a lot, but I think that finding a new way to use an old cliche can be a great element to a story. I'm looking forward to how to work it in using an original storyline! ^_^ Besides, this is so well written and flows so well, for me almost any plot could work well. Wonderful job!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

omg you are amazing!
[info]somniumquiesco
2006-10-11 11:21 pm UTC (link)
Thank you so much for the compliments! You've totally made my life.

I'm also so happy that you were able to find a lot of the little character hints I left about. I was really apprehensive about how I broke this up in terms of people being able to understand Wolfram without using his POV right away (that's the beginning of the next part btw), I'm glad you liked the direction I took Anissina in. I really really love her. She is so awesome in the show that every time she's on screen I die laughing. It seemed like a believable way to give her more depth.

I can totally see your crit with his angsty yelling paragraph. It was actually more verbally annoying before my beta made me fix it. I just really wanted to explain everything about him at once and couldn't restrain myself. I'll defiantly try not to let it happen again. I know how it is to be annoyed at vocab. Sometimes (usually during nc17 fic) word use can just ruin everything.

Marques went from necessary to annoying to super useful and amazing through my conceptualizing of the fiction. I can't wait until way later on when I prove him not-stereotypical.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write me such a complete review! When I read your fiction I will defiantly return the favor. (I just have to finish my bit of doujin and then I'll have time to live again.(This part of the fic has been finished for a while, I just decided that I would chop it up this way recently))

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

Re: omg you are amazing!
[info]lenainverse
2006-10-11 11:33 pm UTC (link)
You're welcome! And thank YOU for the wonderful fic beginning!

I was really apprehensive about how I broke this up in terms of people being able to understand Wolfram without using his POV right away
Actually, I thought this was wonderful. Very creative and original. I think good POV writing where you can accurately show the emotions of ALL characters (like you have here) is the best writing.

I just really wanted to explain everything about him at once and couldn't restrain myself.
That's the inclination sometimes, I know, and I struggle with it myself. My Beta has helped me to understand Wolfram a lot better...he feels deeply, but is not one to spout his feelings out or even make them obvious (which is part of why I love writing him!). Your word use didn't "ruin" anything! It just made me blink, but I think that comes from my job. ^_^

I can't wait until way later on when I prove him not-stereotypical.
Ooh, now I'm really intrigued! ^_^ The Mary Sue struggle is one I know very well, and one I think all good writers of OCs have. Even if you KNOW they're not a Sue, the fear is that you will be branded as a Sue-author for even using OCs.

I'm glad you don't mind my long reviews...I am very picky when it comes to fanfics, so when I find something I like I try to be as encouraging as I can (while still giving concrit, but that's meant as a compliment. I love concrit because I always want to improve, so I offer it in that way).

Do you have other works out there? I would like to read them if you do... ^_^

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

Re: omg you are amazing!
[info]toshimalfoy
2006-10-12 12:00 am UTC (link)
I don't have anything else published out there (not counting the s--t I have still up on ff.net from when I was in middle school... I really should figure out what my old password was so I can delete those...). I tried writing for the HP fandom several times but I never liked what I wrote enough to post it. Also for most of them, I never had a thick enough plot for my liking.

So though I've dreamed about posting something novel-length for a while, this is really my first fic that actually happened. ^.^'''

I LOVE long reviews! They make me feel so loved!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]shayheyred
2006-10-12 02:40 am UTC (link)
This is extremely delightful and promising. I'm particularly tickled by the Anissina POV in this section; I always wanted more about Gwendal/Anissina, and you're delivering.

The characters are well drawn, though I do agree that some of what Wolfram says sounds a bit contemporary or at least "not-Mazoku" -- but it's minor, and you didn't even think about that. There is one misspelling - "perseptive" should be "perceptive."

Sorry if I'm nitpicking -- I don't mean to. I am very much enjoying this story.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]somniumquiesco
2006-10-12 03:22 am UTC (link)
Thank you for the correction! It should be fixed now. I can't spell for peanuts and the spell-check didn't catch it because it was capitalized. Thank you ^.^

I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you for reviewing!
*hugs*

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)


[info]melusine07
2006-10-13 03:14 am UTC (link)
DAMN I knew there was something wrong with that word because I kept reading it as "perspective" but I somehow did not catch the spelling error for all that I read it four or five times. *headdesk* (bad beta! very bad beta!)

yeah, um, I only do grammar. and minute/minuet, which is acutally a grammar/usage thing if you think about it.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)


[info]toshimalfoy
2006-10-13 03:30 am UTC (link)
Hey now... I think I finally got that whole 'minute/minuet' thing down now... now I just have to remember 'loose/lose' ...

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]ruby_dream
2006-10-12 01:23 pm UTC (link)
Wow! That's awesome! It's rarely to find some fic from Anisinna's POV, so it's really interesting! XD And it's so amusing on how she scolds and feels about men...hahaha...independent woman, really.

This is awesome! *__*

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]toshimalfoy
2006-10-12 05:08 pm UTC (link)
Thank you for the sweet words! ^.^

I love writing Anissina she's so funny!

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]sesshoumaru127
2006-10-21 05:43 am UTC (link)
I loved it!!! I can't wait for more.

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[info]toshimalfoy
2006-12-23 03:08 am UTC (link)
I'm glad you liked it! There should be more before the new year... ^.^ *shhhh*

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]chibidraco
2006-10-27 04:36 pm UTC (link)
I liked the angle that you've taken with this so far, It makes the characters seem more real. Greta's reaction is depressing though, shrinking down in her chair as if she was afraid of Wolfram hurting her. Its very sad, but the it sounds interesting

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]toshimalfoy
2006-12-23 03:15 am UTC (link)
I'm glad you liked it! I hope I didn't make it sound like Wolfram was an abusive parent, Wolfram just exuded sadness and it made Greta feel bad.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

am not a wolfxyuuri fan
[info]gen50
2007-01-11 05:33 am UTC (link)
.. but i thought i would make an exception.
i normally skip ... them because i once had to read a couple of stories ...
that killed my desire to ever read...and had some bad experiences with some people in the main kkm comm...

anyway, excellent beginning. i will take a read at chapter 1.
and i like the pov you took, it isnt a common one.

anissima sounds a tad bitter, did you mean her to be?
i cant imagine a bitter anissima, and like you had her do,
instead of being bitter, she would employ her skills to make her inventions
she is one very smart woman (remember gunter and Wincott poison eppy?
she was the one who figured out how to save gunter....
and i always thought that gwennie was suitably impressed)

no, wolfie didnt sound like an abusive parent, he sounded needy....
but i thought that was how he has always sounded, hence "brat"
(in the English translations) ... and so you were fairly successful in showing that as well.

Greta is nicely portrayed. She's an excellent child, and quite fair. I think she thinks like yuuri (as evidenced by the Huber eppys. when she prevents Gwennie from running after Hube). So nicely done as well.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: am not a wolfxyuuri fan
[info]somniumquiesco
2007-01-12 09:53 pm UTC (link)
I'm so flattered that you made an exception for me! Thank you so much!

Bitter Anissina was something that I thought would be a believable way to give her a greater depth. I do think she's brilliant. She's probably my favorite character, after Wolf. But I've always been biased towards snarky blonds. The Anissina/Gwendal thing will be explored more in much later chapters. But there's no reason that being impressed by a woman's brilliance is cause for a physical attraction to said woman. I'm trying to be as strictly cannon as possible and making things more difficult for myself therefor, but hopefully making this fanfic much better in the process.

OMG you watched the English Translations! You poor thing! I can't even look at them. It's no wonder you don't like Wolf at all! If you have the means, give the Subbed version a try. It's miles better.

Greta is so fun. I'm glad you liked my verson of her.
Thanks again for taking the time to write such a comprehensive review. <3

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[info]lucymay_lj
2007-05-12 02:26 am UTC (link)
I can already tell that I have a wonderful story to look forward to from this. Your writing is excellent.:)
I absolutely love hearing Anissina's POV like this. She is such an awesome character, and I love the way you've portayed her here.

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[info]akayalovesyaoi
2007-06-14 07:44 pm UTC (link)
Oh, it seems interesting and the art for it is so pretty :D :D :D

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[info]toshimalfoy
2007-06-14 08:09 pm UTC (link)
I'm glad I've peaked your interest<3

[info]pearljamz really is an awesome artist. *hugs her*

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[info]christabel_rose
2007-06-26 09:34 pm UTC (link)
Ok, first of all, the picture of Wolfram is so pretty! *squee*

And the story so far is great. The writing is superb, and I like the fact that you've started it from Anissina's POV, very original.

I've never read any GwendalxAnissina (Gwenissina? Gwina? XD) stories before, so I'm anxious to see your take on this.

3.) No, Marques is not 'Mary Sue'. Or that important at all really, not for a very long time.
This tidbit made me so happy, knowing that the story will be a long one ^^

I can't wait to see what happens when Wolf and Yuuri confront one another.

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[info]christabel_rose
2007-06-26 09:36 pm UTC (link)
Oh and I forgot to say, I love you for making this a WolfYuu fic and not a Yuuram fic!!! *g*

Extra brownie points for that XDDDD

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[info]toshimalfoy
2007-06-26 10:39 pm UTC (link)
OMG!! BEST ICON EVER!!!

Oooo It always makes me really happy to see how people like the story reading it all in one chunk, or rather the available chunk, verses reading just one chapter and then waiting for my sorry bum to update. I hope the flow is right<3 I work really hard to keep the consistency in place.

made me so happy, knowing that the story will be a long one ^^

Dude. What was meant to be the prologue was around 27,000 words. The prologue. (That's Wishful Haze and this part). The next two parts... 0.0 Let's just say it's a good thing I have them planned out like mad.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMMENTING <3

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[info]christabel_rose
2007-06-26 10:58 pm UTC (link)
Dude. What was meant to be the prologue was around 27,000 words. The prologue.

I love you.

And, I hadn't noticed it before, but I think it's awesome that you have an icon for your fic!

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[info]toshimalfoy
2007-06-26 11:09 pm UTC (link)
I think it's awesome that you have an icon for your fic!

^^ I think it's awesome too. It took me like 20 hours to draw the layout for this lj-site. (That's the picture the icon is made from) Can you say this fic eats my soul or what?) XD

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[info]christabel_rose
2007-06-27 12:03 am UTC (link)
Can you say this fic eats my soul or what?) XD

Lol, well, I understand, it's your baby!

I think your dedication to your story is very admirable. You’re obviously putting a lot of energy and time and passion into it, and it makes it all that much more enjoyable an experience for the reader.

Keep up the good work!!

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[info]annakas
2008-04-09 02:35 pm UTC (link)
Ohhh such an intriguing beginning.
I liked Anisinas Point of view, it wa sintetrsting and while she is so very confident she is right it is nice to see how she ist not perfect (did not have the bad Mary-Sue of wonder woman vibe) in here.

I liked how she blames quite a lot of others in her own unhappiness and while she has some very good points about males and their faults how she ignores her won. That makes her very real in here.

Ohhh the Greta Wolfram interaction was perfect. Also I liked how Anisina and Greta get along so well it was so good to see it expanded why Greta is so gung ho on Anisina.

Wolfram was perfect. A good father who is still too young to really handle the situation. Has his heartbroken tries to move on but can't, and so everyone suffer.

I loved the character interactions, loved them.

annakas

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[info]somniumquiesco
2008-04-10 02:07 am UTC (link)
First of. WOW. My inbox was full of so many wonderful reviews from you when I got home. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm going to try to respond to them all individually, because you went through the trouble of writing them. <3 It was so great to "watch" you read the whole thing because I get so stuck on the parts I'm working on currently, it was so refreshing ^___^ Also, you get a lot of props because while you clearly read fast, you got A LOT of things that other people seemed to have missed. ^^

Thank you for all of the awesome character praise!
(Like I said, I'll try to get to all your reviews, it just might take a while XD)

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[info]mitsu_mazoku
2008-06-10 01:35 pm UTC (link)
Yay for Yuuri coming back ^__^!

Now Wolf and Greta don't need to worry anymore <333
It's cute how often he spent time with his lovely daughther <3
The Greta & Anissina conversation is just pure love <3

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[info]somniumquiesco
2008-06-14 09:07 pm UTC (link)
YAY!! i'm so happy you're reading! Also, I will respond to all of your lovely comments in due time. I'm sorry it's taking me so long. I had surgery last tuesday and I'm still not really aware of too much. So I'll give you the rest later, but since you responded so much and often I wanted to let you know how appreciative I am and also why I am taking a while to get back to you!

*HUGS*

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[info]mitsu_mazoku
2008-06-14 11:38 pm UTC (link)
O__O

No it's fine!! Please rest and I hope you're getting better soon!
You don't need to creply back at all :)

*hugs back*

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